Ability to encourage

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Ability to encourage

Published: Wed 20 Mar 2019, 2:34 PM

Last updated: Thu 21 Mar 2019, 10:46 AM

"Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate." - William Arthur Ward
Sometimes, a word of praise is the only encouragement that is needed. Each one is fighting a battle of some sort. We cannot fight their battle for them, but we can help them along their tough path by some encouraging words. Our words are important; they have the potential to carry life within them. I realised what incredible value there is in encouraging people. It's not just flattery, its noticing specific things. Even just the act of noticing is a compliment! That you care enough to notice, can brighten someone else's day, and you very rarely know the enormity of struggles people face in their private lives.
Why is it that some people just can't give a compliment? It's a natural human need isn't it? We all yearn for a thank you, you've done well or that was awesome. Whatever the compliment when received it just feels great, and when given by certain people it even feels better. We have a desire to be thought highly of. When complimented, we're likely to get that warm fuzzy feeling. Especially from those whose authority we respect. Self-doubt can be a downward spiral, so people suffering from this can get huge benefits from a simple compliment.
So why is it easy for some to give compliments and challenging for others? At work or at home compliments can go a long way, can make ones day, can change attitudes, can improve performance more than money can. Is it that some people don't feel they need to, because they have no need to receive a compliment. Or is it that those that can't give, feel insecure and have low self-esteem, have trouble giving or receiving anything. Is it that some people just don't see the good, they have such a bad attitude and all they see and focus on is on the negative.
Psychologists say that when people are unable to give them out it's usually for the following reasons: insecurity, you don't want to give someone an 'edge' over you; jealousy/envy, makes you unable to pay out a compliment; depression, when you just can't see the good things; or self-absorbtion, once again, not being able to recognise the positive in others.
When you feel appreciated by a person you want to do more for that person. Show your gratitude and watch as the number of things you have to be grateful for grows. Ironically, giving compliments develops our confidence-we feel good as we help other people to feel good. If you want to develop your self-esteem the fastest way to do it is to help improve someone else's.
Even as an experiment, this is surely worth a try, because of the ample benefits, mainly:
. It benefits others. Compliments encourage others. Through kind words, we remind people of their value and their talents. All of us want to be noticed-receiving compliments confirms that we are. They provide confidence and joy and hope.
. It benefits me. When we share happiness, we receive it.
. It benefits my environment. The people around us create the environments in which we live, work, and play. Spreading joy among them by fostering a culture of encouragement challenges others to do the same. Our work environment feels different, our home life feels different, and the world around begins to change just a little bit.
But when we are in the midst of a trial and someone tells us "Don't lose hope, I believe you can do it," it's amazing how those words can keep us alive and energized. Encouraging words can do wonders to make us work harder instead of thinking about surrender. We can never underestimate the power of positive words to change our outlooks in life. So ask yourself this simple question - Do you bring sunshine or gloom when you enter the room? These beautiful words hold true in every situation of life and every profession.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ? Maya Angelou
The writer is the founder of Legal Connect. Views expressed are her own and do not reflect the newspaper's policy.

By Shilpa Bhasin Mehra

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