Must Read: The basics of a healthy relationship

Top Stories

Picture used for illustrative purposes alone
Picture used for illustrative purposes alone

This milestone and rite of passage may be explained, passed down, encouraged, celebrated and packaged differently in various societies, but the common denominator across cultures is the acknowledgement that a partnership is a necessary and essential dimension of our developmental process.

By Dr Samineh I. Shaheem

  • Follow us on
  • google-news
  • whatsapp
  • telegram

Published: Sat 27 Aug 2016, 10:00 AM

Last updated: Sat 27 Aug 2016, 1:02 PM

Since childhood, we have been led to believe that one of the most significant markers in our lives involves choosing a life partner and settling down. Take heed, dear reader, 'settling down' is quite different from 'settling'.
This milestone and rite of passage may be explained, passed down, encouraged, celebrated and packaged differently in various societies, but the common denominator across cultures is the acknowledgement that a partnership is a necessary and essential dimension of our developmental process.
Both scientific research and the media seem to support the notion that married people are happier, more youthful, successful, live longer and even have fewer doctor's appointments than unmarried individuals. But is this true of all unions, good and ghastly?
In your mind's eye, think about all the fairy tales that entertained us as children, framing their key premise around the main character finding the love of his/her life and settling down happily ever after. Interestingly enough, these fabulous productions never reveal stories that occur the day after the wedding; after all, isn't that when the bona fide experience of sharing one's life together actually begins?
Unfortunately, the rising divorce statistics around the globe substantiates the point. While we may all be very excited and exultant during the months leading up to the big day, there isn't enough focus on the person chosen. Rather, the attention is primarily on the idea of reaching the ultimate objective of tying that matrimonial knot.
So why do we often accept an engagement without sufficiently considering the suitability of the potential life partner? Without generalising, there are a number of features that sometimes fool us into accepting the unacceptable.
These include:

Now even if we have chosen a partner for all the right reasons, such as being compatible, having mutual respect, trust, understanding and shared values, a good marriage doesn't just happen - it takes hard work, determination, commitment and, above all, an ability to stay level-headed in the light of many obstacles that will come your way.
So why should we put so much time and energy into this process? The quick answer is that decades of research confirm a direct correlation between a happy functional relationship and better health, both psychological and physiological.
Apparently, a bad relationship can cause serious ailments such as high blood pressure, heart problems, cardiovascular difficulties, anxiety, concentration challenges, memory loss and stress.
On the other hand, according to the Mayo Clinic, happily married people live longer, heal faster when wounded, are more resistant to infections, have less cognitive problems, sleep better and have lower rates of diseases such as cancer and incidence of heart failure.
So a strong and functional relationship can be good for us. In order to maximise health benefits, try and practice these seven C's:

If trust is broken and the stone-cold realisation of what has happened has been processed, we often remain emotionally stuck on how to rebuild that trust, if possible at all. In most instances, rebuilding trust shouldn't be the way forward; perhaps we need to adjust, reassess and revise expectations long before even entertaining the idea of rebuilding. So revise trust; don't try to rebuild it or else you may once again fall off of the same shaky structure built on how you want things to be rather than what they actually are. Enough said. Now go plan something fun and exciting together to enhance your day!
Dr Samineh I. Shaheem is a professor of psychology, and a learning & development specialist. Contact her on OutOfMindContact@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter: @saminehshaheem, Instagram: @psychology.wellbeing.life


More news from