Dubai - Frustration grows with every passing day for a number of young Pakistani expats in the UAE
Published: Mon 15 May 2017, 1:41 PM
Last updated: Tue 16 May 2017, 1:38 AM
For Pakistani expat Nyla, 36, marriage is not a top-of-mind priority. Anymore. For years, she and her family tried in vain to find a suitable match here in the UAE, and now she's all but given up the dream of a family of her own or even a life partner.
"There were so many proposals that came her way, but none could be solemnised into marriage for various reasons," one of Nyla's close friends told Khaleej Times.
Nyla, who lives with her family in Dubai and works in Sharjah, keeps herself busy working and pursuing new courses.
She is not alone.
Frustration grows with every passing day for a number of young Pakistani expats in the UAE seeking a life partner.
"The major reason is the lack or social circle here," says Ayesha Sohail, a Pakistani expat who is involved in various social works.
"We may be knowing a lot of people here, but they belong to different countries and communities. Besides, there are limited family and social gatherings," says S.A., who's seeking a match for her two adult daughters.
She maintains that lack of social intersection limits the marriage options for youth, adding that, back home in Pakistan, marriage and other social gatherings largely help in getting people know each other and also facilitate marriages, "which is absent here."
Some even choose to go back to the home country to find Ms or Mr Right after failing to get married here.
Expat parents like S.A. spend years looking for a match for their children. "Not being able to find a match for their children is frustrating Pakistani parents," says Ayesha, who recently started a free group on social media to help Pakistani youth find their match.
Interested individuals register in the group that enables interaction with others wanting to marry.
Match-making nightmare
"It is not uncommon here to see women or men working as matchmakers," says Ayesha, but adds that "most take money from the families and never turn up".
The family of 25-year-old Sakeena was overjoyed when one such matchmaker told them that the family of the suitor will not be taking any dowry.
Sakeena lives and works in Dubai.
The family of the boy visited Sakeena's family to finalise things. But to her dismay, Sakeena found that the boy was ready for marriage only if he was offered help in establishing a business in Dubai.
"Enjoying high tea and hospitality at a girl's home and then leaving for another bride-hunting mission has become rampant. Families don't even get a courtesy call," states Ayesha.
The problem is not limited to women either; men face the same hurdles.
Ayesha's initiative is gaining popularity among Pakistani parents and youth. Many girls are personally coming forward to register themselves on the group to find themselves a match.
Within a week of forming the group, she got almost 300 enquiries from unmarried youth (men and women) and their parents.
"My mother has been looking for a match for my brother for a long time. Whoever she pays, they introduce us to families. But when we show interest in them, they say they are already engaged or interested in another family. This is very upsetting and annoying for us. We don't know many people in Dubai. Help us find a match please," reads one of the messages sent to the group.
Social media to the rescue?
Three years ago, Tehmina Urooj, a Pakistani expat decided to provide a social media platform for those wishing to get married. The group she mediates has over 600 members, of which about 500 are girls. The group helps the interested parties interact one-on-one
So far around 14 members of the group have been married.
"But the problem of getting a match is grave when it comes to girls. The reason is that Pakistani woman are now more independent, educated and open minded. They need a life partner who is a step ahead of them, which is often difficult to find," says Tehmina.
She added that many Pakistani women have crossed 30 and are unable to find a life partner.
Pakistani expat Maimuna finds herself lucky to have her children married at the right age. She, however, has been trying to help other Pakistani girls and boys to get married.
"When I saw members of my own family struggling hard to get married here, I thought of trying to help them out to find a suitor. But it is much more difficult than what it appears," said Maimuna, who has been living in Dubai for over 20 years.
She expressed surprised over the demands the family of youth are making. "Be it the family of girls or boys, they want perfection. The youth are not ready to make adjustments."
As Pakistani women living in UAE have a higher standard of living and are independent, they prefer to live an equally independent life post marriage.
"They want to live alone with their husbands who have perfect jobs, are good looking, don't think of settling in Pakistan, etc. The demands are so many that it's almost impossible to have them fulfilled. For boys, they want an earning wife who cares for him, his family and also follows religion. And not to mention, she has to be beautiful."
Maimuna expressed deep concern over the delay in marriages of Pakistani youth. "Parents also have role to play. They need to look at the real picture and help their children settle down in life."
Some names have been changed on request
sana@khaleejtimes.com
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