British aristocracy meets animorphs

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British aristocracy meets animorphs

The Lady Janies reimagine their subject's fateful story through new eyes, turning dense historical tragedy into fizzy modern comedy. So, buckle up for revisionist history at its flippant, fantastical finest. It's everything you love about Tudor England - now with Animorphs!

By Katie Ward Beim-Esche

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Published: Thu 21 Jul 2016, 10:00 PM

Last updated: Fri 22 Jul 2016, 12:53 AM

Let's start this book review with the book's pithy dedication: "For everyone who knows there was enough room for Leonardo DiCaprio on that door. And for England. We're really sorry for what we're about to do to your history."
That sets the scene for My Lady Jane, the YA fantasy from Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, and Jodi Meadows, the authorial triumvirate self-styled as "the Lady Janies."
The Lady Janies reimagine their subject's fateful story through new eyes, turning dense historical tragedy into fizzy modern comedy. So, buckle up for revisionist history at its flippant, fantastical finest. It's everything you love about Tudor England - now with Animorphs!
Say what? Oh, you read it right. In this version of England, trouble's a-brewing but between the people who can turn into animals and the people who want to burn them at the stake.
These Animagi are called Ethians. Their gift - or curse, depending on who's talking - is a genetic anomaly. Ethians have been persecuted for years by Verities, who believe Ethians are an abomination. Only under King Henry VIII, who became a lion when enraged, were Ethians accepted and protected.
Part One of My Lady Jane follows the major historical beats as Henry VIII's three children play hot potato with the crown. In order of reign, they are: Edward VI (pro-Ethian), Mary I (super-Verity), and Elizabeth I (pro-Ethian).
As we know, young Edward falls gravely ill. He and his advisor, the big-beaked Lord John Dudley, fear that if Mary becomes queen, she will reestablish a harsh pro-Verity regime. Dudley convinces Edward to appoint Jane, his cousin, next in the order of succession rather than his sisters. Mary disagrees with this turn of events.
To seal the deal, Edward and Dudley command Jane to marry Dudley's second son, Gifford. This done, they congratulate themselves on forwarding the Tudor lineage through Jane and Gifford's future sons. Just one small problem here: Gifford is an Ethian who uncontrollably turns into a horse from sunrise to sunset.
Staring down the barrel of an arranged marriage, the newlyweds lay out their dealbreakers. Their rules tell you everything you need to know about our main characters.
Jane's rules are threefold - no touching her books, no chewing her books, and no hay in her books. She has an endless collection of tomes with Hogwartsian titles like The Glorious and Gruesome Stages of Death: A Beginner's Guide, The Unabridged History of the Beet in England: Volume Five, and Poisonous and Nonpoisonous Berries of the Wild: The Joys of Surviving England on a Budget.
Gifford's rules are equally simple - no riding the horse, no bridling the horse, no saddling the horse, and no horse jokes. Jane tramples rule number four from the get-go.
Though Jane is thankful Gifford did not inherit his father's colossal schnoz, she knows his reputation as a legendary womaniser. I'll let her tell it: "So. Her husband-to- be was a philanderer. A smooth operator. A debaucher. A rake. A frisker. (Jane became something of a walking thesaurus when she was upset, a side effect of too much reading.)"
Little does she know, Gifford's dalliances are total fiction, conjured to cover up another habit. 
Meanwhile, Gifford expected Jane to be a nearsighted, mousy bookworm with appalling social skills. Though it takes forever for all their secrets to unravel, these two crazy kids make it work.
If you're a fan of Mallory Ortberg, you will adore My Lady Jane. It calls up Ortberg's inimitable work for The Toast on Western art history and The Hairpin on texts from classic literature. Go forth, read, and enjoy!
My Lady jane
Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton and Jodi Meadows
Published by HarperTeen
> 491 pages
- The Christian Science Monitor


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