Are you man enough to be in touch with 'femininity'?

Meet some men who are comfortable being men - while being non-conformist to gender stereotypes

Feminism has received a lot of attention of late. But while thousands lined the streets of Washington DC on January 21 to talk about women's rights, there were those who were only too happy to play devil's advocate: "What about men?" they asked, and it is a topic that essentially comes to the forefront of every discussion. Well, feminism argues against stereotyping of any sort - putting women or men in boxes puts them at a disadvantage. Because, just like women were often discouraged from 'manly hobbies' - playing sports or being too 'bossy' - men are often told they should 'just act like men'. Be tough and unemotional, not care too much about the way they look and be the breadwinners of the family. Men aren't discouraged from taking up hobbies like knitting or cooking - but you can't deny the look of surprise that comes from friends and family when they hear about these pursuits.
Well, it's the 21st century and things are slowly changing. So, are modern men daring to be different and embracing their feminine side? We speak to some strapping men around town to find out.

(Paul cooks complex  and unique dishes at home by imagining the flavours and textures he wants)

Cooking - a gentleman's hobby
We know what you're thinking - some of the best chefs in the world are men. But while a lot of men are happy to take it up professionally, are the rest willing to spend hours slaving in their home kitchens to whip up an elaborate meal? According to a poll conducted by Khaleej Times online, the answer is yes: 52 per cent of the men who took the poll stated that they enjoy cooking, as opposed to 38 per cent that only cooked to survive and 10 per cent that did not know how to cook at all.
"The days when women ruled the kitchen are long gone," says Paul Alexander Estorffe, a Dubai resident who works in public relations. "I know women who can't boil an egg but don't lose any sleep over it. And for the men who think women should stay in the kitchen, well, they best crawl back into whichever cave they came from."
For Paul, cooking is much more than a means of survival. The Brit never took any professional classes, and a career in the culinary arts was never on his radar. But today, he spends hours every week hunting down the perfect ingredients and whipping up complex creations painstakingly for close friends. The process starts with him imagining what kind of textures and flavours he wants in his food and then experimenting with meat, spices and herbs. The entire creative process is extremely therapeutic for him and he gets inspired by classic flavour combinations - and the end result is well worth the wait.
"I've been interested in all things culinary since I was a kid, watching others or experimenting myself - and almost burning down the house in the process," he jokes. "When I started living alone, I realised no one else was going to do it for me."
A similar opinion is voiced out by Michael Sawyer, who works as a stage technician in a theatre company. Having grown up on a farm in England, he's well-versed with odd jobs around the house and seems rather baffled that there are men who don't want to cook. "It's another skill set. If you want to eat well, you have to learn to cook well first," he says. "Why would anyone not learn how to do it? It's all part of life."
Does the duo think more men should be rolling up their sleeves and getting into the kitchen? Undoubtedly, says Paul. "It's a great hobby (or career, if you choose to take it that far), besides it is satisfying to produce something that tastes and looks good, and women are so impressed when you cook them dinner. Above all, it's so rewarding to see people you care about enjoying the food you make."

Style and Substance
Are men today more concerned than ever about the way they look? Studies point in that direction. High-end menswear retailer, Mrporter.com, for example, reported a 300 per cent growth only in men's beauty and grooming products in 2015. The men's grooming industry is booming - but UAE-resident Shawn Stephens believes that men have always cared about the way they look. It's only coming out in the open now.
"I think especially in Asia or South East Asia, it's considered a bit of a taboo for men to look after themselves," he says. "I think there has always been this interest, but it was not discussed in public because people had this idea that 'real men' shouldn't get manicures or pedicures or that they should go to a normal barber and not a hairstylist. But I think that the world is getting smaller now because everything is online and men can see what's out there and know it's perfectly normal."
According to the Khaleej Times poll, 52 per cent of men today are open to the idea of pedicures and manicures. The sale of beard oils and beard balms is on the rise. And men's salons are cropping up all over town, offering services from facials to eyebrow shaping. Why? The answer is obvious: there is demand for it.
"I think it is important to make time to look good, especially when you are working with people," says Michael. "And it's becoming less of a stigma. Gone are those days when men would think twice before moisturising or putting on cream. You have one body, and you should look after it."
UAE resident and stay-at-home dad Usman Sajid had never really thought of getting manicures or pedicures - until he came to Dubai. "There are so many salons over here, and it makes you feel good. Sometimes, it really is about pampering yourself."
Are men also equally open to trying new trends and wearing bright colours? Shawn believes that it all boils down to upbringing. His own parents were advocates of being dressed to the nines, and so being well-dressed came naturally to him. He thinks there's nothing amiss about wearing pink or florals ("I have a Gucci suit in florals") and believes men should just dress the way they want - drawing the line at cross dressing.
"I think when someone is well put together and looks great - man or woman - they attract attention. And that's not going to change. But people love to talk and judge. You can't stop that but you can control your reaction. Life is too short, so wear whatever you want."
According to our poll, 47 per cent of men have no problem wearing pink. However, the way the colour is worn is also a factor.
"I have pink shirts," says Paul. "But trousers? No. Just no."

(Shawn works in public relations and believes everyone should always be well-dressed, groomed and stylish; Michael Sawyer believes that cooking is a skill everyone should have)

The role reversal
Usman Sajid's son may only be four months old, but he already has his daily routine down pat. After his wife, Shaheena, leaves for work, he tends to the baby, changing nappies, making sure he is appropriately fed and burped, has time to play with his toys and just 'be happy'. When the baby starts getting tired or whiny, it's nap time - and once he wakes up after half an hour or so, the whole process repeats.
"I've always loved kids," says the new father. "I loved playing with them and now that it's my own baby, it's so much more joyful."
Usman is originally from Pakistan but was raised in the UK. Having come to Dubai five years ago, he worked with a photo studio before choosing to get into freelancing. Which is why it was natural that he be the one to look after the baby when his wife went to work.
"Coming from a country where the men are all out and about, I wasn't really sure how I would cope," he admits. "But then I loved every second of it. There are these moments when you're feeding your baby, and he tugs on your beard or just looks at you and smiles... People will tell you about them, but you can't comprehend it until you've been through it yourself."
The concept of a stay-at-home dad is hardly anything new.The trend has been on the rise, and this year the 2017 Modern Families Index made headlines when it stated that 48 per cent of millennial dads in the UK are willing to take a pay cut to achieve a better work life balance. Is society more accepting of dads being primary caregivers today?
"My parents are from Pakistan and, in their eyes, it's a different culture," admits Usman. "When we were growing up, it was traditional for the woman to be homemakers. But my generation is different. Right now, my parents, in-laws and friends think what we're doing here is great."
His advice to other dads out there is to just to just jump right in and embrace all their different facets and interests - no matter if others may perceive it to be feminine. "Once you've let go of the idea that men should only do certain things and women should only do certain things, you actually understand what the other sex goes through - and your perspective changes. When you go into something with your partner as an equal, it's just amazing."

The emotional factor
Usman is currently enjoying every minute he spends with his son, and believes that there is nothing wrong with embracing one's softer side.
"When I was growing up, I was never one to show my emotions. But then I got married and had my kid," he says. "Sometimes when you're watching a movie and you see this scene you relate to because you have a kid, there's nothing wrong with crying. In fact, you get it all out of your system and it feels great."
Not everyone agrees with them. Paul says crying in public is perfectly acceptable - if one has something stuck in their eye. Michael has no issue with it, but seeing others 'in that state of mind' upsets him. Meanwhile, 36 per cent of men who took the Khaleej Times poll say they have never cried in public as opposed to 35 per cent who have 'when something has deeply disturbed them'.
"Again, that's such a personal thing," muses Shawn. "Both men and women need to be strong. But there is a place and a time for everything. If the situation really calls for it, it's not a bad thing to show your emotions. I've always said it takes a real man to do that."

Breaking stereotypes
When Michael isn't working on sets for his job, he's pursuing other hobbies - playing rugby or photography. Everyone has dimensions to them, he says, and it's common that he's ribbed for working in theatre where people assume he's 'prancing about'. "People always judge others and I think it's the fear of things they don't know, or maybe it has something to do with insecurity," he says.
Paul narrates an instance where a friend he knew was teased for collecting Star Wars memorabilia, with jokes of him having a 'doll collection'. These instances are common and usually well-intentioned, but one can't deny that they have a tendency to pigeonhole people.
"I think the danger here is that it just makes things worse," says Shawn. "You'll never progress as a society if you put people in boxes. That only limits their creativity and individuality."  
janice@khaleejtimes.com